Cynematik • Cyndi Greening

I’m stuck in the sweat zone and I am grumpy. Really grumpy. I was supposed to be in Utah this week, researching the polygamy documentary but plans changed at the last minute. So, I’m getting reports about how things are going, about the images and journals that are being discovered, about the video being shot. My documentary is drifting into new realms without me. Where oh where did my project go? So, I’ve got a big grump on.

My birth mother died two weeks ago. It’s been a few weeks of endings. Disconnection. Loss. Disappointment. There have been a whole lot chaotic feelings lately. Sometimes, I feel like I’m walking on Jell-O … take one step and watch the ground shake. Difficult to see a clear path. What’s that thing that people always say, “If God closes a door, he opens a window.” So, I’ve been looking for the open windows and checking out the potential new views.

Independence Day is almost here. I keep reflecting on that in light of everything that has been happening. Humans are such odd creatures. Why is it so hard for us to be free? We encumber ourselves with so many things. We make it impossible to be happy, to live joyfully, to express fully who we are and what we have to offer the world. We go through life like the little pigs, huddled inside our structures, trying to ignore the wolves at the door. What do we do to distract ourselves? We go to Disneyland! At least, that’s what I’m doing. I got an invite to spend the weekend at Disneyland with a friend while she celebrates her 50th birthday. At least I know which t-shirt to buy.