Cynematik

As my sabbatical approaches, I get sadder and sadder. Unfortunately, there’s always the bad along with the good. One would think a sabbatical would be a wonderful thing. A full year off (with pay) to pursue one’s interests and studies. What could be bad about that?

The saddest thing (for me) is that I love my students. I love my program. I love my Media Arts faculty. I think we all do good in the world. I think the administration has been very good to us. Teaching is so much a part of me; I can’t even imagine not teaching. It’s been sixteen (16!) years. I love, love, love what I do. I work unbelievably hard to make sure the students learn as much as they can so they can be as successful as possible. I am so unbelievably sad not be able to do it. It hasn’t even started yet, and I already miss it.

Ironically, the ONLY reason I applied for the sabbatical was because I was frustrated and angry about things that were going on at school. A classroom had opened up in my building and I (foolishly) thought they would give it to us for our computer graphics lab. They didn’t. We were given a new faculty line that others in our department wanted to surrender for a lab tech; I couldn’t believe they thought that was more important than supporting our area. There was resistance to scheduling challenges, collapse of an OYO that led to an adjunct crisis, and the suggestion that we use admission by portfolio to “reduce the size of our classes.” There was the resistance to adding web classes. In my eight years, there was always pressure to reduce our number of students and resistance to adding anything new. So, I thought it would be better to take a year off to recharge my batteries.

But, as I always say, “You can’t get the front of the hand without the back.” What I thought was a good solution turned out to be quite a mistake!! Shortly after I found out I had been awarded the sabbatical, I was told to reduce our contact hours (the number of classes we offer) IN HALF. (There is a suggestion that this isn’t really what was said but it sure is we heard and wrote in our notes.) Then, fear really set in. I realized how all of the things I’d been doing to prevent the reduction of the Media Arts area for eight years could now be enacted with impunity. I tried to find out if I could delay my sabbatical.

After that inquiry, day-to-day life in the department became unbearable. I was tag-teamed in meetings and told to sign the sabbatical papers. It became obvious that life would be very unpleasant if I stayed. So, I signed the papers. Now, I lament ever filling them out. Welcome to my pity party.